9, 57, 58 of relationship one!
9. Describe your perfect mate:
Hoo boy. Here goes.
Firstly, I need to be able to respect them, and the choices they make as a whole. For sure, people are only human and make mistakes, but if they are telling me what them and their bros did last Friday and all I am doing is rolling my eyes with disappointment and boredom, I just can’t go through life holding the hand of someone who I don’t believe is a good person. If I can’t see them parenting our children for whatever reason, I just can’t do it.
Nextly, we need to have a common interest. Be it video games, our creative natures, TV shows, extracurriculars, career path – it doesn’t matter. But we need to be able to talk to each other about something. It doesn’t need to be the main thing in their lives, but certainly, it needs to be worth enough interest to talk to me about without pulling something out of their ass to try and keep me interested.
Next, I need to be attracted to them. I can’t stress that enough. If I’m not attracted, there’s no spark, there’s no want for me to be there – I’m sorry. It sounds awful. I’m not saying they need to be a swimsuit model, I’m saying I need to find them attractive. And that’s a pretty broad range of audiences considering the things I find attractive in a person. They can be any number of things on my list, but if they’re not attractive to me … Ugh, I just can’t.
They need to understand and be patient with me. I’m not some delicate flower, and I can kick some fucking ass when I need to, but I have had experiences when I’m trying to make out with someone and my body will spazz out and have a serious bad memory and I will just start sobbing and punching the person I’m with – and I don’t mean it. I don’t. But my body just goes into super defensive mode, and I can’t do anything else. I am so paranoid and so touchy and so … fucking shit, delicate, that I absolutely cannot have sex until I know for sure that that person wants to be with me for the rest of their life, not some hit it and quit it, not some little boy who wants a new toy. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t even fucking spend the night with someone, even in the platonic sense, without having a serious panic attack of the third kind. It’s fucking stupid.
Lastly, they need to support me. Maybe I’ll do things to irritate them and maybe they’ll get fed up with me sometimes. I know they will, and that’s alright. But what’s important is at the end of the day they’re the only thing in the world I need and I’m the only thing they do too.
57. Things you want to say to an ex:
FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU VERY VERY MUCH. ‘CAUSE I HATE WHAT YOU DO AND I HATE YOUR WHOLE CREW SO PLEASE DON’T STAY IN TOUCH.
Lily Allen lyrics aside, I really hope that guy burns in hell, and if I had the chance to say it I would. Generally speaking I don’t hold grudges, I wish the best for people, and I want to see them happy regardless of what they’ve done to me. But this guy just crossed the line and crossed it so far that the line was a fucking dot to him. Do I forgive it? Maybe. Maybe if I didn’t think he would keep doing it over and over and over to all sorts of girls. Which is hilarious, because while he was blessed with a pretty face his heart is black as tar, and I’m only sad I didn’t see it sooner or listen to my instincts, but when you’re in the web of an abuser it’s so hard to know you are.
I would also tell him how fucking pathetic I think he is as a human being. Pathetic, and sad, and I hope he falls in a motherfucking hole he can’t get himself out of. And then I would tell him I’m going to graduate from a Big Ten school and he’s still going to community college trying to get that two-year degree for the last 5 fucking years.
But don’t worry, baby, because you’re going to DePaul! Yeah! No, you’re not, because you won’t get off your pathetic ass and apply yourself, and you will never know what it feels like to be loved the way I loved you ever again.
Wow, that went on real long. All I really wanted to say was the dillhole was a complete scumbag and that’s what came out. Meh, whatever.
58. What are five ways to win your heart?
Oh my!
1) Hold my hand in public. No, fuck holding hands, give me a piggy back ride. And then I’ll try to give you one and you’ll crush me but we’ll fall over and laugh our asses off and people will stare. But we’ll laugh more. I guess I mean be spontaneous. Surprise me, be it with sweetness or sweets, dinner at home that you cooked yourself or a weekend trip to a campground. I love surprises. I really don’t care what they are. As long as you cared enough to put some thought into something I will love it so, so much.
2) I’m very, very sentimental. If you bring up that time we did something together a year ago, or two years … That is just so sweet.
3) Do not pressure me into doing anything. Gently push my limits, try me to get something I wouldn’t try unless coaxed, sure. But if I make it very damn clear I don’t want to, do not guilt me and do not force me and do not pressure me. I go at my own pace, but I’m shy.
4) Give me a nickname and stick with it. Give me a name that’s all mine that only you can use. And let me give you one, even if no one else is ever allowed to hear it.
5) Be my guinea pig or my model. If I’m working on a sewing thing, and I need to see how something falls on a real person and not just my mannequin, if you let me use you you will have me in no time.
6, just for an extra) if you show legitimate interest in the things I have to say and the things I think, holy shit. Even if you ask me, “So, why is Halo so great to you?” and you actually listen for my entire rant and keep showing interest the whole time… Holy crap.
7 too) Also, be kind and sweet with my ducky. He’s like my kid, really. So if you’re sweet to him and you play with him and you don’t just shove him away when he wants to be near you, that’s like a super plus.
Any of these combinations is WIN!!!
TL;DR: MAL IS A FUCKING FREAK!
Mahuika is the name, sabotage the game. I'm a Spartan, a Warden, a deep space engineer and the Champion of Kirkwall.
